essence

 Am I too much? Am I too little? Are my expectations unrealistic? As we make our way through this world in relation to other human beings all these questions come to mind. Who am I when no one is looking? Who am I when the lights are off and I’m only completely accountable to only myself? That is the true essence of who we are, without anything or anyone around to label or define us. That is who I am. How is it that we spend so much time using how we relate to other human beings as the way to define who we actually are. Who we are at the very core? We are so easily manipulated by who we are spend time with, what peoples’ opinions are of us, or how others may see us.

Every single person that we come in contact with is going to see us through a different perspective. How very frustrating to try to mold ourselves into each version of who we are? It is so very difficult to just be ourselves, to just allow our true existence to exist in a world where so many influences are coming at us at such a quick pace and from so many different directions . Wouldn’t it just be peaceful and beautiful to be able to exist within our bodies in a way that is only accountable to ourselves?

Of course we proceed in life with compassion, with empathy for others, with kindness, but ultimately all of those things can only be accomplished authentically if we are 100% who we are meant to be. What would that mean for you and your future if you could live that way even half the time? Or do you already? It is interesting to stop and observe our reactions and our actions To see how much of it is based on what we think and who we are and how much is based on who we think we are supposed to be.

As I stumble around in this crazy place called adulthood I know that I am continually seeking to be that person that I am when the lights are off, when no one’s looking, when I am only accountable to myself. What a rich feeling to practice. What a beautiful way to surrender to exactly where you need to be. I often wonder why there’s so much struggle in that experience and why we allow judgment from other people -who are having the same thoughts -to come in and taint and color how we view ourselves. 

Today I sit in my hammock typing out these words fully aware of the fact that at this very moment I am practicing that. I am coming home to who I have forgotten that I am. I am in this moment allowing myself to just be. “The only thing you’ll lose by being real is something that’s fake. “ - awakenstardust

I see you. I love you. Keep going.