why the sweetest light?
The Sweet Light is defined as indirect sunlight experienced just before sunset or just after sunrise that has been refracted by the atmosphere into a golden or even an orangish-red color that flatters landscapes and lifeforms alike and is highly prized by photographers and painters. Or so said Urban Dictionary. You know the light. That crisp bright color before the sun moves into the day full on. The soft warm hug of sky before the sun tucks in for the night. The hue that has a scent and a feel. The light that makes you feel like there cannot be another place in the world you would rather be than basking in that exact moment. I like to think that I both physically and metaphorically look toward that light with sweet devotion, dedicated to living every moment that I possibly can in that present and in that feeling and in that miraculous glow.
I am Alina. The name means bright light. My last name is Switaj, which is some Polish derivative of the verb to shine. I feel most of my life up until now has been some version of a quest to find the light, the sweet light. Hence The Sweetest Life was born. Whether trying to catch a glimpse of a sunset, or capture a moment in a photo or create a painting of a feeling I am always on a quest. I am a 43 year old, a full time working divorced mom to a teen, twin preteens and two spoiled cats. I am a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a friend. I am a yogi, an avid reader, a vegetarian, a follower and believer in magic and woo, a runner, a napper, a decaf at night aficionado to slowly add to my resume. I delight in nature and love to hike and be by the water, I have just started dabbling in art again mainly inks. I have been living this life alcohol free, sober and clear (more clearly every day) since December 3, 2018 and I feel that I am just scratching the surface of how expansive an array of choices I have before me.
I have always been a seeker. I have always quested to know and be in the truth of what is and explore why. I have been a story teller. Growing up I filled notebooks upon notebooks with poems, and stories and prose and dreams. It was the place I felt I could take what is inside of me and build a bridge to the outside world. That whirring purring inner inside stuff. Truthfully, I thought I’d launch a career in journalism alongside telling my own stories. I definitely longed to fulfill that , “me too feeling,” that all humans hope to feel. That human connection, the reason why we are here and the feeling that we all ache for. The hope to see ourselves reflected in someone else’s path. So many of us feel alone and seek that, “ OMG, yes, I feel that too!!!” Who will hear me? Who will see me? Who will choose to know me?
So what do we do when it’s not working? We seek. We get inspired and we make changes big and small. We take the leap to learn and to be immersed in new ways, try it on to see if it fits. I have been touched by so many brave stories by so many beautiful people. Books, poetry, art and friendships have boosted me to the level where I felt I too could share my vulnerability with confidence. I often think of the quote by Jim Rohn, “If you don’t like how things are, change it. You’re not a tree.” I knew I wanted to keep changing. For a long time I heard whisperings, and then finally a loud voice that said, “you have to make a change.” For me, it was to stop drinking. When I was 10 years old, I lost my Dad to alcohol at the very young age of 33. To say that experience shaped my life may be the understatement of the century. Everything moved at a whirlwind pace and my stage was set. But I did not realize yet, that the power was mine to control my own destiny. After many years and many choices I heard the voice, “take alcohol out of your life.” I knew that if I stopped drinking, numbing or even socially boosting my own personality I had better access to who I knew I really was and who I was becoming. To come back home to who I was meant to be. I honestly didn’t even know that it was an option, or that it would impact my path and my pursuits in the dramatic way that it did. We live in such a wine soaked culture, it is literally part of all our social constructs but I knew that if I wanted to have more of that sweetest light I had to try to stop dimming it. In 2016 I stopped drinking for around 90 days only to go back and try the relationship one more time. In December of 2017 I stopped with a different purpose, intention , goal and resolve. With different tools. That’s when everything changed.
On Monday. December 3, 2018 I shared the following on Instagram and FaceBook…it was an scary and vulnerable feeling to hit send:
“365 days since I last had a drink. One full calendar year ago I made a choice. I am a seeker, and a dreamer always looking to expand the possibilities of where this life can lead me. I found myself at a crossroads where I couldn’t evolve anymore. I wanted to get clear, to get grounded and to BE fully in every experience. What I found was wholeness, and vast possibility. A way to connect back to who I am, to the divine and to the bliss of what it means to exist in the present. When I say everything has changed I mean everything has changed. I promise to never leave me again. I love you so much, and through the intensity of all the things, I will always stay. I am beyond grateful for too many reasons to list. I know this is only the beginning…
Now close to 500 people have publicly responded. Privately I have received numerous messages mostly looking for advice, encouragement and tools for themselves in their own quests for clarity.
I have always been a seeker. I have always had the desire to retain a beginners mind and evolve. I hope that sharing thoughts and experiences in my own way will serve as an outlet for me and shine a light on a different approach and way of thinking for anyone who is also seeking. I hope to share experiences, books, inspirational podcasts, musings and hilarious anecdotes that is my life surrounded by a teenager and 2 preteens .Sorting out how I got here and where I am will prove to be entertaining at the very least. Searching with curiosity for the places I feel passion. I hope to share any inspiration that moves me in hopes it finds a home within the heart of another seeking to be moved, seeking a connection and seeking to see their own moments in the sweet light, really the sweetest light. Gratitude for you taking this path with me. I see you.
Alina
