home

A million years ago when I was a different girl, facing totally different issues, a friend of mine told me, “you are never stuck.” When I think back on that time I see what she meant. As we are hurling through this thing, through this journey that we call life, it is so very interesting to see the progressions and transformations. We are in fact never stuck, however there are circumstances that can truly make us feel that way. I’m pretty sure we’ve all had those experiences where we feel that nagging feeling that just cannot be described in words. That tickle, that tug in the center of us that tells us that we are not aligned or something is not right or we need to turn around and head in the other direction. The problem is what do we do with that feeling once it comes up? This life can seem so scary. I have found though that if I proceed from the motivation of fear that what tends to happen is sort of like a self-fulfilling prophecy. When I move forward with fear as my momentum I end up exactly in the spot that I was afraid to end up and then I feel stuck.

I have written before about my feelings of needing to belong to someone to something, somewhere. Over the last 6 to 12 months I have spent a lot of time in quiet really thinking about where that feeling stems from and what it is trying to fill within my soul. What I’ve come up with is the knowledge and the realization that I truly belong to myself, my heart is my home. I cannot be fully present or show up completely for anyone else if I do not find a firm place in my very own heart.

Yes we all feel physically stuck sometimes currently there is no electricity power or water in my home. I gathered up two of my children and we literally moved to another place that made it easier for us to get through this time and not only easier but we were able to find some connection, enjoy time together while we are here. On top of it I was able to feel re-inspired, lit from within again, awakened in some way that I have not been able to access living in my daily existence. So here I am in this beautiful spot where I have escaped to, thinking about how we are never stuck. Yes, I have the ability to physically move and the resources to get me away from things that are uncomfortable and not right and not aligned. But the question is what do we do when the stuckedness is not physical; but it’s in our head or in our heart or in the center of us? That is what I have spent a lot of time thinking about and have gathered momentum to move in that direction of some sort of peace with. People may move onto and off our path, places may change, the world keeps spinning.

What is home? What is growth? Where do my boundaries lie so that I can live my best life? The other day I told a friend I am learning to fall in love with the sound of my feet walking away from that which is no longer for me. And isn’t that just walking home? Isn’t that just walking toward yourself? I want to live from the motivation of joy and love and be present and experience all of the things that my life is putting in my path. I want to feel everything, even the discomfort, even the questions, even the uncertainty, even the heartache, even the tugging, even the heaviness. I do want to feel it all, and I know ultimately that if I am at home in my own heart and in my own body that I am never stuck.

Home is not a place, home is a feeling Home is already what is inside of you. Home is the people that you love and whom you navigate this journey with.

I am here to say that I am opening up my heart to let in what is meant for me and I am doing it with the intention of joy and leaving this world and my life a little better than when I got here. You are already home. I am already home too. If we open up our eyes and just sit quietly with what we have, we will recognize that we are never stuck. We already belong and we are exactly where we need to be. 

I see you. I love you. Keep going.