drop the rope
The other day I was helping my daughter attempt to log into an old Tik Tok account to delete some very old (and embarassings to her) content. Out of 6 possible phone numbers and various emails, we couldn’t for the life of us figure out which contact the account was attached to. We went down the road most of us go down to retrieve old accounts or log into new ones. Try a password, try another password, spin around 6 times and clap your hands…we just couldn’t figure it out. One of the verification methods took us to a page where it looked like you were sliding a puzzle piece into a spot cut out exactly into the shape of the piece. I even struggled with that one! Sitting in her orthodontist’s waiting room I was overwhelmed with this feeling that even when some things look like the fit, they don’t! Sometimes even when things are humming along and you feel like you are steering the ship toward home, it just doesn’t fit.
2019 has been an interesting year of moving that puzzle piece. A big lesson came to me the way you fall asleep, “…slowly, then all at once.” I have come to recognize that sometimes even if the puzzle piece looks like it can seamlessly glide into position, it doesn’t. The concept of surrender is so esoteric most of the time. Surrender, let it go, allow the flow. It sounds so easy. Like gliding a puzzle piece into place across a phone screen, unless it’s not. There are so many ways it might not work. The phone can freeze, the puzzle piece may overshoot its position, or you just have too much vanilla lotion on your fingertips. In any case, such is also positioning in life. We can have an intention, and line it up and take all the steps and still not land where we expected to. Surrender doesn’t just mean going with the flow, giving up, or allowing. Sitting in that waiting room I heard the click. That familiar but all too transient click of realization. Surrender might mean dropping the rope.
There is no control really. Yes we can plan and set intentions and set off on our course toward doing the next right thing.. But in truth control is an illusion. There are elements beyond our control that influence how it all shakes out. Other people, their intentions and actions are not under our control. We cannot get anyone to love us, be there for us, want the same things we want. Things in the house can break, we can get sick or someone we love can get sick, we can lose our jobs (as I did this week). The environment can change. We can have weather, natural disasters, heat or cold affecting moods and activities. Time. Time can come and go or seemingly stand still. Things always shift, whether you surrender or not. Sometimes our hand is forced and sometimes we make the changes and moves with our own will. Ultimately it does shift. In my experience it always, always, always takes longer than I want it to. But when you drop the rope and let go of the false sense of control it does shift. Always.
Surrender does not mean you’ve given up. Letting go does not mean you don’t plan for and do the next best thing. Going with the flow and accepting changes beyond your control might hurt, a lot. But ultimately the truth is, the puzzle piece may just not fit, or maybe not right now. No amount of begging or tugging or avoiding can change that. But if you drop the rope, things will unfold the way they are intended to. Your life is happening for you not to you, and you are in this very moment exactly where you are supposed to me. Have faith, detach with love. Drop the rope.
I see you. I love you.
